Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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