just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
