I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
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