grandma shit on top of the toilet
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
