i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
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No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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