the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
