I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
