I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
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