My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
