Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize