I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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