Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
