I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
