My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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