Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
