dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
