How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
