Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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