u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
