If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
