Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
