Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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