this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
