I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
