guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
