Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
