well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
