he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
