rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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