Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
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