carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
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