and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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