you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
