Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Randomize