I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
