I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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