You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Randomize
