ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
