I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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