i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I look better un-naked...
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
