ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
