he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
