i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Banned from zoo.
Again?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
