I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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