Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
