WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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