And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
