Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Randomize
