i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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