Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
