so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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