How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
