My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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