We need to rekindle our bromance
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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