i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
