I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I just googled if crying burns calories
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Randomize
