So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
