he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Randomize
