She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
