Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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