All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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