We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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