but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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