You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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