god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
