im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
be right there i have to get my cape
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
