Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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