Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize