so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
