I used to practice getting hit by cars.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
