TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
True strength comes from lack of pants
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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