guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
is wine microwaveable?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
