someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
