i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
