I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
