he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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