I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
