If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
my shit smells like andre
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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