He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
