so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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