I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
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I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
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i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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