we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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